she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
