i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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