It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize