We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
