she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize