Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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