Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nicole vs. Life
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
