I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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