You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
