I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
