just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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