i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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