currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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