Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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