I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
