I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
