Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
