Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
