So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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