my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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