"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
