I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
