i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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