So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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