just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
