I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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