i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
