BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
only you would photoshop your dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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