For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
