turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
