i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
