She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
