don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
