this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So. Much. Porn.
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