Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
