Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
