also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
