it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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