He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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