peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
