Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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