I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
