I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
