It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
