dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
