i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
