so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
