Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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