So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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