went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
