my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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