so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
