carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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