nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
