I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
