If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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