I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
