I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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