I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
