You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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