I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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