I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
