i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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