great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
