Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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