The maid of honor just puked.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
