when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
