I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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