I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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