you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
