smell my finger.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
