So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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