So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
