How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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