About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
