Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
