I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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