either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
